is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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