I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
