Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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