I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
