Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
