Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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