he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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