She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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