We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
