If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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