cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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