i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
