it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
