apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
