i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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