who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
