The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
