Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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