My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
