It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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