He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
