i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dignity is for republicans.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
