Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
