just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
