Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
