Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
