he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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