There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
