when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
