i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
