i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
