Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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