If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
