Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
