oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
