All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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