He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
