Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
They have beer where we have blood.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
