then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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