she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
