Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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