shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
