I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
