Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
