I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have aggressive nipples.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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