There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
