Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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