my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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