i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
