Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm always down for nudity.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
