So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
