so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
